Monday, August 16, 2010

TT ponder.

I've been meaning to journal/blog about my Teacher Training experience for a while now...but I guess I've needed a few days to really let it all sink in. This program could not have come at a more hectic time in my life: Grandpa's passing, three races, a trip to Mexico, and a 10-year anniversary at the store...but, I really don't know when a prime opportunity would have come around as I live a chronic over-planning/over-committing lifestyle. I think it was meant to happen this way... a glimpse into the importance of making me-time, presenting out-of-the-box life experiences in the midst of regularity and routine chaos.

To say I was not totally prepared for the level of internal search and personal growth throughout this experience would be an understatement. It makes sense now, as I think about everything that goes on inside every time I lay out my mat... multiply that by one hundred and that's the 8 week teacher training program. Of course I knew it would be intense and scary... learning the entire C1 sequence, the details about each posture, the breath, and the cuing, but it very abruptly put me back into college mode: having to learn something new, memorizing, new people... a very vulnerable position. The eleven other women that were in the same boat as me, along with all of the teachers and program leaders, made the experience. I remember the first Wednesday night... all of us trainees had that dear in the headlights-what have I gotten myself into- look. However, it didn't take long for us to realize that we were in this together and the support we were offering to one another would be what get's us through. The bonds I formed with these women in my class are such a gift, and each one of them brought such laughter, joy, insight, and realness to the days we spent together.

There were many deep, personal discussions that we had as a group, and that I had in my head/heart over the last eight weeks. Communication, identifying real emotions, truth, insecurities, balance, acceptance... all oozing off the yoga mat, into my personal/work/friend/family life. Not all of my life was figured out in these 8 weeks, but spending time letting questions and unknowns linger in my heart (something I've conditioned myself not to do) lead me one step closer to finding my own truth, real self, passion and contentment.

I am still trying to figure out if teaching yoga is something I can do well... something that's in my heart. I do know that I love people, I love yoga, and I would be so honored to bring those two together in the form of teaching. The Extensions program began this week, so for the next 6 weeks I'll be working on developing my voice, increasing my confidence in the studio, and digging deep to find out who Jillian, the teacher is.

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